What Do I Write About Now?

I know I asked myself this question around 2018, right around the time my mom started having memory problems. A few short years later, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and my parents’ quiet life turned into a tirade of endless doctor’s appointments, visits from caregivers, and later, a transition to a memory care facility. Anyone familiar with the disease knows it’s a long and painful journey.

It was during these kinds of moments, though, that I found inspiration to write. Moments like when my mom didn’t remember who I was, or when we’d witness a resident at the memory care facility being unable to perform a task they could do just the day before. I would watch other people in those days too—observe how my dad was reacting to everything, watch the nursing aides at the memory care facility, and wonder what their lives were like.

I’m sure writing at that time was very cathartic. While much of that therapeutic writing was done in a personal journal, I found myself intrigued by this “cast of characters” who surrounded me. “Barb,” who constantly called my mother by another name and got physically violent with the aides; “Candy,” who was the most patient, tolerant nursing aide you’d ever meet. The list goes on. Even spending more time with my dad inspired me to write about aging men.

When I think about my recent short stories on aging and memory, it might be challenging to consider writing from an unfamiliar perspective. I’m not an 84-year-old man, I have zero healthcare training, and I don’t have dementia—but as Anna Quindlen once said, “I always say that if you can imagine it, it can happen.” In fact, as a kid, I was afraid of old people and especially those in a hospital setting. That’s probably not too unusual. From a kid’s perspective, sometimes older adults smell funny—the medicinal smell of a hospital or bodily odors. Sometimes the fear is being grabbed too hard, or pulled in too close to talk, unwanted kisses from furry upper lips, up-close views of graying teeth, spittle, and mucus. The fear that you simply won’t be able to get away from this person. Of course, as I got older, that fear went away. It was replaced by maybe discomfort and, I’m embarrassed to admit, a bit of repulsion at times. When your own sense of smell diminishes and your eyesight grows worse, you begin to understand how someone might not know they have food in their teeth, or hairs growing from new places, or that their deodorant has failed.

For a while, I was around older people all the time—my parents, their aging neighbors and friends, and memory care residents. I found myself seeing these people when they were younger, when their minds were still intact. I started to see beyond the diminished elderly person in front of me. The photos in the memory care facility pictured entire lives—filled with children, careers, and travel. The more time I spent there, the more respect and compassion I had for the aging mind.

Being observant of your surroundings—the things you’re immersed in—can provide endless opportunities. I found myself asking, “What if the nurse did this?” or “What if the resident said that?” or trying to put myself in my father’s shoes and imagine how he must view my sister and me.

I never thought I’d have any interest in writing about the elderly. Being immersed in situations where I was surrounded by older people brought on a new perspective, a new sense of understanding and empathy. Ultimately, it generated my creativity in a new realm.

Think about where you’re immersed in life right now. Is it work? Something with your kids? Maybe a cause you volunteer for? Maybe it’s something not so great, like an illness, a divorce, or a traumatic change. The point is, we’re all immersed in something, wanted or not, fun or messy. Lean into that—let that be your inspiration.

About Corrina Malek

Corrina Malek's work has appeared in Bright Flash Literary Review, CafeLit Magazine, Penstricken, 50-Word Stories, and the upcoming issue of Movable Type.  Her short stories have been published in the Ohio Writers' Association anthologies House of Secrets and Should This Book Be Banned? When she's not writing or thinking about writing, she volunteers as a Community Educator with the Alzheimer's Association, spends time with family, friends and her rescue dog, Luna.